What game ya playin'?

How many IG videos have you watched this year?

Or TikTok videos?

Hundreds? Thousands?

How many do you remember?

How many of them made a difference?

Or...

How many conversations have you had this year? (For your business)

Probably not enough.

Of those, how many do you remember?

Were they impactful?

The Industry - The Marketplace - does not care about doing things that matter. Said another way, there is no profound satisfaction in the Marketplace. The Marketplace has its own set of rules and measures.

I've been thinking about a real estate event from this year. There were several people presenting from a “Let me tell you how great I am...” and “Let me tell you why I am #1...” place.

But are they the best?

If a brokerage or team does a bunch of marketing and provides you with leads, and is #1 in their marketplace in sales volume, does that mean they are the best? There was a presenter who runs a brokerage like this. Sure, they sell a lot of real estate, but if the brokerage - and the agents - are the best, why do they have to spend so much marketing money and time telling everyone that they are? 

What does being the best even mean?

In David Brooks’ The Second Mountain, he shares Jungian analyst James Hollis’ account from a patient: “I always sought to win whatever the game was, and only now do I realize how much I have been played by the game.”

So, is the game to be #1? To have more followers? This brokerage is winning that game...but so what? Who said that was the game to play? The Marketplace created that game. What is fulfilling and meaningful about winning that game?

Not everyone can be #1. This company can be #1 at everyone else's expense. By definition, anyone playing that game is competing in a zero-sum game. It is non-inclusive. It is separative. Who also is excluded? The clients.

That game is about winning at sales, not being the best. Not being of service. Buy a home or sell a home - just do something so I can keep winning my game. 

To be fair, I don’t know this particular group; I don’t know their clients, and I don’t see them in the field - they might be totally responsible and amazing fiduciaries.

On the other hand, from the front of the room - and on their social media (which they are very proud of) - it connotes elitism. Ego. Look how great I/we are. It is all about...me.

For the other people in the audience, many of them might have appreciated the session - i.e., tips and tricks on how to win the attention-and-#1 game.

Except that game might not be one worth playing!

More from Brooks and The Second Mountain: “The meritocracy’s soul-flattening influence is survivable if you have your own competing moral system that exists in you alongside it, but if you have no competing value system, the meritocracy swallows you whole.”

Read meritocracy as The Marketplace.

Your satisfaction and fulfillment - your success - lives most certainly in playing a game not defined by the Marketplace. Until you get that you’re trapped in that game and decide to create a new one - you are...hosed. 

I am again reminded of what it looks like to play a game that is worth playing.

In last week’s post, “Noted,” I spoke about my mother-in-law, Jan. A few days ago we had the funeral and subsequent dinner to honor her.  Among the many people who came, my dad and step-mom flew in to support my wife and me. During the dinner, we set aside 20-25 minutes for a few family members to share some words. As the emcee, I had an intro, managed the speakers, and then brought this speaking portion to a close. Or so I thought.

Right after I step down, my dad raises his hand and pushes his way up to the front. 

I am now concerned and wondering: what the heck is my dad going to say about a woman he barely knows?

He gets up there and says quite emotionally: “...I didn’t know Jan really at all. I can tell from what everyone shared that she was an incredible person. More importantly, I know she was a great person because she raised the strongest, kindest, most generous woman I have ever met, who is not only kind and caring to my son, but takes care of my grandkids — which she doesn't have to do as their stepmother. I am so proud to call her my daughter-in-law.”

Boom. Not a dry eye in the house, especially my wife, Christine.

The point is that Christine plays the other game - showing up for people because it’s right, not because anyone’s keeping score. She learned it from Jan, who, as a first-grade teacher, gave her time and money over the last many decades. Even in her passing, she had bequeathed many thousands of dollars to charities she felt were making a difference for people who needed the help - and would actually use it. Jan was kind and generous, but not a coddler - she expected you to stand up and do your part. 

Back to that "#1" agent and brokerage - they say they are “humanitarians” in their bio. If you are a humanitarian, do you need to advertise it? Or do you simply be one? Jan didn’t do what she did for the recognition; she did it because it was the right thing to do.

Real estate agents can get paid a lot of money for the job they - you - do. What if we got paid because we’re better human beings? It’s about being the best for our clients, not being #1. The game worth playing is not more views, or more anything. It is better. It starts with better relationships and better conversations, which are at the very heart of Being a Professional Worth Hiring™.

What game are you playing?