"They say every life precious..."

"...but nobody care about mine"

I have heard Logic’s song, 1-800-273-8255, I don’t know how many times. By the way, when that song came out in 2017 as I was completing my divorce and simply “dealing with life,” it had a very different impact on me.

At any rate, I was driving this morning, and I heard it in a totally different way - particularly these lyrics:

Ain’t nobody callin’ my phone
   Where you been?
   Where you at?
   What’s on your mind?
They say every life precious but nobody care about mine

Again:  They say every life precious but nobody care about mine...

Consider that your job is to care about the people you are in relationship with.  You are the one to be doing the callin'!

How many people are in your life that you are not calling/reaching out to? 

When you do, what are you doing?
Many agents I talk to simply text or DM.  Or, nothing at all.  Well, sometimes they send some email newsletters or postcards.

There is nothing wrong with that. I am not trying to make anyone feel bad, guilty, or shameful.

And...

Does that really honor your relationship and caring for people?

If you stopped worrying about how you were feeling, might you reach out a little more authentically and with more care?

What difference would that make for the people in your life?
What difference would that make for you?

While there are many articles and studies on the topic of increased loneliness, my experience is that people suffer from “relational loneliness,” which is where people are in touch but do not feel seen, accepted, or able to be their authentic selves, which creates a sense of disconnection rather than genuine connection and/or belonging.

Our job is to create connection with the people in our lives. They hire us as their fiduciary - someone they trust to guide them with utmost care, putting their interests first. 

And it’s more than just “selling their home.”

My assessment is that caring about others will create the connection for you as well - consider that how to differentiate yourself as a fiduciary is not in how much you know, but how you demonstrate care. Deeper connection = deeper relationships. When you are connected to people and you have created authentic trust, you are in the sweet spot of your business. That business happens with more ease and efficiency, and it often leads to more business!

Yesterday I was on the phone with one of my clients (let’s call him Carl). He had co-listed a big acreage property. He handled the showings, and the co-listor (let’s call him Bob) handled the day-to-day communication.

A couple of things to note. The seller was a retired police officer, and seems to harbor a fair amount of PTSD and/or high level of distrust. Bob is a “city guy” - and the seller is...not! The seller has a ranch in the middle of nowhere and drives a logging truck on the side. Bob has never seen a logging truck.

There could be a whole chapter of a book on this one situation, but I am simply going to skip the punchline.

It took some time to get this property finally under contract. When they finally did, it had gotten to the point where the seller pretty much hated Bob and did not want to talk to him. The seller “tolerated” Carl, because 1) in-person helps, 2) Carl is trustworthy, 3) Carl is more of a country guy than a city guy.

Nevertheless, things did not go smoothly. 

How could they have improved the situation?

Here were a couple of my suggestions.

1) Bob could have called the seller and said, “Hi, do you mind if we have a pretty frank conversation?” Seller says, no, don’t mind. Bob could have continued, “Look, I know you don’t like me. I know you don’t trust me. You probably think I am some stupid, city-slicker kind of guy and don’t typically trust people like me. Furthermore, I don’t know a thing about ranching, and every time you hear from me, it’s usually bad news. To make it even worse, it probably feels like I don’t even pretend to care when I call - you probably have gotten to think I get pleasure out of being such an asshole.”

Now, I don’t know whether that is the right thing to say or not. However, I can assure you it will open up a very different conversation with the seller!

(BTW: some of you are FREAKING OUT at the idea of saying that...if that’s you, I recommend reading The Full Fee Agent or attending one of my half-day workshops.)

2) Carl could have also had a conversation with the seller. One of the things that Carl and I talked about was that in order to create an authentically trusting relationship, both parties have to be willing to trust. Carl is a very trustworthy person, but the seller seemed to be very hesitant to give trust. That is the first thing to address! 

What Carl might have said, in a similar vein to what Bob could have said: “It feels like you don’t like or trust real estate agents. On the other hand, you have hired me/us to help you sell the property. Would you be totally against us having a conversation to see how we could collaborate a little more authentically?”

One other side note: when Carl was telling me this story, all I could think about regarding the seller, “this guy probably never hugged his children,” - a line from an old Tom Segura bit. 

I digress - but only a little. I could have left the above paragraph out, except that one of the 13 Virtues of Being a Professional Worth Hiring is Levity. Looking for humor, even in tense or difficult situations, is a good idea!

“Nobody cares how much you know until they know how much you care.” - Theodore Roosevelt

“I've learned that people will forget what you said, people will forget what you did, but people will never forget how you made them feel.” - Maya Angelou

Or...

“They say every life precious but nobody care about mine”

Who could you care about today? Will you call their phone?