Stop making calls

There is a very prominent and successful speaker and author who built a business by telling people what to say. He told a large group of mortgage professionals last year, “No one wants you calling them. Stop going around saying, ‘I gotta make my calls.’”

Yes, that is what he said. 

I am taking it slightly out of context, but not really. 

Sitting in the audience, I thought, “Great idea, you knucklehead.”  Like, let’s all stay more disconnected, lonely, isolated, and fearful. That’s a great recipe for satisfaction and fulfillment.

You’ve likely heard that fear is the primary driver of human beings. James Doty, Stanford neurosurgeon, neuroscientist, compassion researcher and NY Times bestselling author, said that the more fearful humans are, the more animal-like they are. What distinguishes us from other animals is our humanity - but only when we exercise it.

My view is that people are dying to be heard, listened to, understood, gotten. To be connected to our fellow human beings.

When TikTok shut down last weekend for a few hours, my daughter noticed that she instinctively just kept opening the app - but obviously it wasn’t working so there was nothing to watch. She said to me the next day that she didn’t realize what an addiction and habit it had been to distract herself with the app. 

In moments of silence or downtime, if you are instinctively reaching for your phone - what are you training yourself to do? Instead of reaching for your phone to read or watch something, what if you used it to call someone?

The assertion I am making is that as we (at least as Americans) socialize less - reduction in social clubs, service organizations, bowling leagues, etc - our muscle for interaction is atrophying. We even don’t interact when picking up our kids from school! Instead, we have long, isolating car pick-up lines. What do people do while waiting in their car to pick up their kids?

We are forgetting that what actually makes us healthier is being with other humans. When we haven’t done that in a while, could it be that we have forgotten a little how to do it?

I repeatedly get this question from agents, “When I call people, what should I say?”

How about, “Hello!” Then listen. What’s the tone of their voice? What’s happening in the background? What are they dealing with in their life? People are dealing with some real circumstances. How about listening and caring about what’s happening with them?

When you take the time and effort to get out of your own head and into someone else’s world - your problems disappear. Your worries and concerns disappear because your attention isn’t on you; it’s on the person you are talking to.

“But no one answers their phone.” Or as that esteemed speaker said, ’No one wants you calling.’

I’m calling b.s. No one wants you calling to sell them something. What they do want is to be connected.

What if the person you are calling really doesn’t want to talk to you? Great, move on to the next person who does. 

When I knocked on doors, did everyone want to talk to me? Absolutely not. But enough people did. Same thing with you. Enough people will want to connect with you every week.