Perspective

“Everything we hear is an opinion, not a fact. Everything we see is a perspective, not the truth.” — Marcus Aurelius

A good advisor can clear the mirror for you, so to speak. You are that person for your clients.

Operating with perspective is twofold. First, you must be unattached to your view - you have to look beyond your own emotions and feelings. Secondly, you have to be able to get what’s going on for your client. This may seem obvious as described here, but it is extremely difficult in practice.

We know what it looks like to have no perspective - well, at least when our clients have lost perspective. Maybe not so clear when it comes to ourselves.

Consider the example where we have a seller who has not sold. There are 30 homes for sale within a 1/2 square mile radius, all with four bedrooms and three bathrooms, between the price of $550,000 and $600,000. Half of them have pools and 3-car garages. Our client’s home only has the pool. Our client “must” get $610,000 so they can move to their next house. Homes are selling at a rate of two to three a month. The seller tells us, “I have to get $610,000. I will wait.”

You’re thinking, “What the ____ are they waiting for? A miracle?” It’s so obvious to you and me, but not to them. They are coming from their own needs, wants, and feelings. Maybe they are overextended, or maybe there is some extra stress and tension in the household. Maybe one of them is about to lose their job. There could be many reasons why they “need every penny.”

It makes sense to have their perspective. But their needs are irrelevant to the overall market. Worse, in this example, it’s September. The market typically gets softer in the last few months, so the longer they stick to their price, the farther they get from actually selling.

As their advisor, what do we do? Telling them they are wrong will make no difference. Ignoring what they have going on also will make no difference. How do we help them see beyond their circumstances?

We have to be able to zoom out, explain things in a way that they can see and hear. They need to get beyond their circumstances.

A transactional agent has no perspective. Their solution: write in the listing agreement to reduce the price by $10k every 2 weeks until the property sells. How does that create care, concern, perspective, and/or trust with the client?

Or maybe the transactional agent will simply get upset and yell at the client to stop being so stupid. Surely that will work.

You may have laughed at the last one - but people do that! I know there were times I lost my patience, or rather, I lost perspective. Perspective is multi-dimensional. It’s seeing where the client is in the overall picture, and not losing sight of where I am in the overall picture as well. I have to be able to see when I am stuck in a point of view that isn’t helping.

If I am getting upset, frustrated, scared, fearful - there’s a good chance I might lose perspective.

Here’s another example from one of my coaching clients. Peter had a seller who was selling a $1.9 million home in the East Bay of San Francisco. The market was slowing, the seller was out of the country, and it had previously been a rental. The house is vacant during this process, and therefore not earning any income. They get an offer. Not a bad offer, but not exceptional. It comes down to a price where they are not far off - the seller says that he’s fine with the price, but he doesn’t want to pay the buyer’s agent’s fee. Rather, he is okay paying the buyer’s agent 1.5%, but not 2.5%. At $1.8xx - we are talking about a difference of ~ $18k-$19k - about equal to the rental income he has lost while the property has been on the market.

Peter calls the seller and has a lengthy conversation. Peter is trying to get the seller to pay the fee and move on. The seller is not budging. Finally, the seller says he is not moving off the 1.5%, and tells that to the other agent and buyer. Peter calls the buyer’s agent, and the buyer’s agent gets pissed off. The buyer’s agent tells Peter to buzz off; he will direct the buyer to another property.

Two days later, the seller calls Peter and says, “Okay, fine, call the buyer’s agent back and tell him I will pay the 2.5%.”

Peter tells the seller, “Too late. I will try, but that ship has sailed.” Peter calls the other agent back, and sure enough, they have already offered on another property - they are not interested. “Oh, by the way,” the buyer’s agent says, “if we were to come back, it’s going to be at an even lower price.”

There is a lot of perspective here!

• The seller
• The seller’s agent (Peter)
• The buyer’s agent
• The buyer

They all have a point of view! In this case, we are Peter. We have to manage three other perspectives besides our own. Our job in that first conversation is to see where the seller is at. Then we have to match the seller’s perspective with that of the market, the buyer, and the buyer’s agent.

The seller was looking only through his lens. This was an income property; he was out of the country, he was busy, and seemingly distracted. He is also not here, ie, has no clue what’s happening in the market. What Peter tried to do was convince his client. Convincing usually doesn’t work too well. What Peter needed to do was to create a different perspective for the seller from which to view the situation. How do we do that? Skillfully. Gently. Patiently.

For example, in the conversation with the seller, Peter could have said:

• Seems like you are attached to getting a certain number for the home...?
• You are probably hoping to get the buyer or their agent to help make up any gap in market price...?
• You are probably thinking that the buyer’s agent would be better with something, as opposed to nothing...?
• You might be frustrated with the process - you have lost all this rental income, and that is probably not sitting well with you. Not getting the list price you want for the home is probably hitting you like a double-whammy.

The seller may feel re-created in that conversation. If he feels like you understand where he is at, it has the opportunity to then open up a little space to see another perspective other than his own.

Peter could have then said to the seller, “Would you mind if I share some other information with you?” The seller says, “No problem, go ahead.”

Peter shares some of the following:

• You might be surprised to know what the market dynamics are for your home - there are 16 homes similar to yours...and they are selling at a rate of 1.8 per month. That means if no other homes come on the market, it will take 8 months to sell all the homes. How long are you prepared to leave your home on the market, not sold?
• How much will it cost to have the home on the market, unsold, for the next 8 months?
• If you were a buyer in this market, and you were looking at the 16 homes for sale, how would you decide which one to buy?
• If you were the buyer’s agent and you had been working with a client for 2 months, and you were going to make 40% less on a sale, knowing there were other options for your buyer, how would you feel?
• Would it be crazy to think that you - and the buyer’s agent - both would be upset about “getting less”?

Note: I am not saying the seller shouldn’t negotiate with buyers and their agents on price and commission - they definitely should. On the other hand, they must have perspective!

However, the seller is not going to be open to hearing another perspective until he is clear that you get his perspective. This is what many people miss. The best advisors know that they must make the client feel heard and understood. They need to know you get their circumstances and needs.

What are the other circumstances and context in which the negotiation is happening?

Peter didn’t have this conversation with the seller; he failed to help the seller see the bigger context. The result is that this will likely cost the seller an additional $100,000, either in lost rental income, reduced sales price, or both.

By the way, Peter could have done a perfect job of enabling the seller to look at the situation from a different perspective - the outcome could have been exactly the same, because it is always the client’s decision!

An advisor’s job is difficult. The advisor must know the circumstances, the content, and the details of what’s happening in their area of expertise. And...they must know how to communicate that in a number of ways so their clients can hear that there are other things to consider in making a decision - they need perspective! It is totally valid for a client to feel what they are feeling, and to think what they are thinking. It is not so valid to ignore perspective when making a decision.

Your job is not to let clients make decisions in a silo. A trusted advisor, a professional worth hiring, is able to effectively create new perspectives for our clients so that they can make the best decisions possible.

“Change the way you look at things and the things you look at change.” — Wayne Dyer