Operating with Integrity

Let me simply start with: integrity is a massive and critical virtue, and most importantly, I am not the expert on this matter: many more scholars, thinkers, and leaders have developed large bodies of work on this topic. Yet, operating with integrity and restoring it where it’s lacking is, in my experience, one of the most critical aspects of making relationships work.

You might be thinking, “What is integrity?” Let’s start with what it isn’t.

Integrity is not morality. You are not a good person if you have integrity, and you are not a bad person if you don’t. Your integrity shows up - or doesn’t - in your speaking and action.

Operating with integrity is about workability. It isn’t about keeping your word; it’s about honoring your word. As much as you and I want to always keep our word, there are going to be times when we give our word and we don’t keep it. What’s important is what happens when we know we aren’t going to keep it.

If I tell you I will meet you at 3 pm, and at 9 am, I know I have to take my sick parent to the doctor, so letting you know as soon as I know is about honoring my word. Part of that communication is about re-promising when we will meet.

What if we agree to meet at 3 pm, and I show up at 3:07 pm without letting you know I would be late? When I get there, I simply greet you and we proceed with our meeting. I step right over that I was late - I don’t even mention it.

Or...I get there at 3:07 pm, and then I give you...a really good excuse! “Oh my, you should have seen the traffic! It was crazy!”

Excuses don’t create or restore integrity. What restores integrity is acknowledging I didn’t keep my word, and making a new promise about how you can relate to me (like being on time!).

This is a somewhat oversimplified explanation. It gets more nuanced and tricky in reality.

Last week, my wife took her car in for service because of a recall.  She got the car back on Wednesday afternoon and drove it home. Thursday morning, she heads to work at 6:15am and calls me. I am Phoenix - half asleep - having gotten in really late the night before. She says, “There’s a terrible thumping noise coming from my car!”

I said, “Turn around, go home, and take my car.” She replies that she is already pretty far along on her way to work. “Okay,” I say, and hang up.

A few minutes later, she calls me back, “MY TIRE FLEW OFF MY CAR!”

Well, that is a breach of integrity! Cars are supposed to have all four tires bolted on, nice and tight! Integrity equals workability.

She hangs up the phone with me and pushes the SOS button on the car to get a tow truck out there. I call the dealership to figure out what's going to happen from there.

The car eventually gets towed back to the dealer (by the way, a total nightmare that took another 3 hours). I have a lengthy conversation with the service manager, and arrange for the dealership to bring a loaner to our home. I don’t get too much into what happened or why it happened. My focus is on moving the process forward.

As part of getting the loaner delivered, I include my wife in the text chain with the manager. After a few back-and-forth texts, we received this last text from the sales manager at the end of the day:

What is your reaction to this reply from the dealership?

I can tell you what my wife's reaction was: "That’s a bullshit answer!"

To be fair, she was upset; her life had been at risk, and she had been totally inconvenienced for what should have been something pretty routine. Simply put, tires should not go flying off the car!

In medicine, they call these “never events” - things that should never happen if someone is paying attention.

Clearly, someone was not paying attention. She wants the dealership to take responsibility and own up to a very big mistake. 

Responsibility, in our American paradigm of business, can often occur as “blame or fault.” Blame or fault in American business = LAWSUITS!  I found the service manager's reply "totally normal" for how most "normal" business happens. It’s also insufficient. In order to restore the integrity of the dealership and regain our trust and faith in them, there needs to be a different conversation. 

For example, how confident is my wife going to feel driving the car after she gets it back?  I mean, I suspect they will triple-check the bolts on that car before they bring it back, right? But what about the next time she brings it in for service?

Consider that you do stuff from time to time that lacks integrity, or creates a break in integrity, and...you don’t know that you do this.  It's obvious when big mistakes happen.  What about the less obvious things, or the things that you know you should address but "forget?"

If you are wondering why things feel off in your relationships with clients, this might be one place to look:  where does integrity need to be restored?  Where does something need to be acknowledged that was previously ignored or skipped over?

More to come on this topic.