Needing is bad

“Needing” to sell a home...that’s a terrible feeling. When we need to sell a home, we are coming from a place of weakness. We are not free. We are not rooted and coming from a place of power.

When we need less, we are freer to hold to our standards.

Having high standards is good. Having low standards is bad. “Needing” usually leads to low standards.

Now, I know it’s mid-May and many agents are having a slower year. That can be stressful, even if they have minimal monthly expenses, because they still have some expenses. If one is not selling homes, there is no money to pay the bills. No money = high stress. I get that because I have been in real estate for over 20 years. Nevertheless, I would like to put aside this base level of production for a moment.

“A man satisfied with little could never be tempted.”

Freedom comes from wanting less. I am not saying you shouldn’t want or have a nice house, car, clothes, etc, but that there is a fine line between chasing the never-ending horizon and being content with what you have. Repeating what Morgan Housel talks about in The Psychology of Money, “wealth is about having choice.”

The point today is that when you don’t need to sell a home, you can sell more homes, and you can do it with more ease and grace. 

When you don’t need to create a result or outcome, you are freed up to be present in the moment. You can actually serve the person in front of you when you don’t need them to do something. That makes it better for them, and it makes it better for you.

Our job in connecting with people every week is simply that: connection. If we need them to do something, then we are not free. We are coming from selfishness. We are coming to serve ourselves. This shows up in many forms, and I am going to take it into a couple of specific examples of how this shows up in real estate. 

I had several coaching conversations this week about getting clarity with clients. Specifically, what do you do when there is someone you know you need to follow up with but you don’t want to pester them or be pushy? You also don’t want to “lose the sale...” Let’s look at two different examples. 

One coaching client was talking about how they “lost” out on a $20mm listing, but there is still “hope” on helping that same client buy his next $20mm property.

Another coaching client talked about how to follow up with a past client who is still considering a new purchase.

In either case, the answer is the same. Call them and have a conversation with no attachment, no weirdness, no awkwardness, no uneasiness. Instead, get clear. Does this person want to work with me, and when? 

In the first instance, there is a lot of attachment around a $20mm sale. That’s a very big commission! However, the size of the commission does not change the underlying dynamics: does this buyer want your help? Are they willing to work with you? When? Do they trust you to guide them in their next real estate transaction?

In the second example, it’s a simple call: 

“Hey, it’s Steven, did I catch you at a bad time? [wait for answer] Great, this call should take less than 4 minutes.”

“I know you’re busy, I know you have a lot going on with ,, and ____. However, when we last spoke we didn’t make a plan of how and when to stay in touch. I am here to support you, not pester you. It sounds like your plans are still several months off.”

“Yes”

“Great, when should we talk next?”

“Thanks for checking in - the summer is hectic - why don’t we plan to talk after Labor Day.”

“Super, have a great summer and we’ll talk in early September. If something changes before then, do you mind giving me a call?”

In the role play we did on our coaching call, there was a little more to the conversation, but this captures its essence. I am hoping you see the simple elegance of this example. 

The conversation is easy, straightforward, and has a clear outcome and follow-up. The agent does not need to worry about this until September, when the CRM will remind him to call this client.

Back to the $20mm client - I know this is the one you were still thinking about - that was a similar conversation. You call them up, or next time you see them in person:

“Would you be opposed if we had a very straightforward conversation about your future real estate purchase?”

“I know you felt more comfortable using XXX to represent you on the sale. "

“On the other hand, regarding the purchase, we have spoken about some properties to purchase, and we have even looked at a couple of them, but we have not discussed if we are going to be working together formally.”

Now, at this point, you can go in a number of directions...here are a few options:

Would you mind if we had a conversation about the possibility of working together formally in the future?

Would it be unfair to say you are still on the fence about who you want representing you in the future?

You probably have an idea of how you want the purchase to go, and who you want representing you...?

It seems like that while you like me as a friend, you are not 100% comfortable working with me as your real estate agent...?

In summary, when you come from a place of no attachment, no “needing” to create an outcome, you are free to simply find out what’s going on. You gotta get rid of “needing” and “worrying”.
 

“The less you desire, the richer you are, the freer you are, the more powerful you are. It’s that simple.” - Ryan Holiday, Discipline is Destiny