My opinions are worthless

I have a lot of opinions. 

In fact, the more opinions I have, the more worthless they are.

How could I know everything about everything? Of course, I cannot. I just keep thinking I can. 

Today, I want to take a deeper look at opinions. 

There are at least two kinds of opinions I want to explore. The first one is more like ‘judgments.’ You know, what you and I do almost incessantly any time we are around other people. If you don’t think you have judgments, I invite you to pay attention this week. Every time you are out and about, I promise you that you will have an opinion of the people around you. It’s the conversation you are having in your head with yourself: Why did that guy stop on yellow? Does this person have to block the entire lettuce aisle at Trader Joe’s? Oh man, he should definitely not be wearing those short shorts with that undersized t-shirt...

The second kind of opinion is the one where you verbalize - out loud to someone else - your thoughts on something. This category could also be broken down into two sub-categories. 

Sub-category one of this second category is where you comment on things you think you know. For example, you have a lot of opinions about what your clients should do, what other agents’ clients should do, what the market will do, what the market won’t do, etc. You have opinions about the house, about the pricing, about what price the house will sell for - and when. You have an opinion on what other agents do regarding pricing, how they should guide their clients, etc. And...it’s not unreasonable to have opinions in this specific area - this is your area of expertise!

The second sub-category is opinions about everything else. In this area, you are giving your opinion in domains where you have no real expertise - but you probably don’t think about it that way. 

Daniel Gilbert talks about in his book, Stumbling On Happiness, that the human brain doesn’t like gaps in information. When predicting our future happiness or remembering past events, our brain automatically fills in missing details without telling us it did so. He was referring to happiness and our projection about the future or reflection of the past, but it feels to me like it applies in other areas. If someone asks you a question on a topic, your brain naturally wants to fill the gap with an answer.

Here’s the point: giving opinions has no power, but there is power in refraining from giving an opinion. There is power in saying, “I don’t know.” In saying you don’t know, you are also saying that you are confident in what you do know. 

If you stop to think about the people you respect and admire the most, I suspect they have the quiet resolve to say 'I don’t know'. They probably don’t feel the need to give their opinion on everything. They are also likely better listeners. While they may be very articulate, their listening and curiosity give their speaking real power. (Virtues 1 and 3 of The 13 Virtues of Being A Professional Worth Hiring)

In 2015, I first read the blog post “The Tail End” on Wait But Why, and specifically how little in-person time we spend with our parents or children after becoming adults (Tim Urban says that 90% of our in-person time with our parents is front-loaded). When I read that article, my kids were 10, 12, and 15. I immediately became even more hyper-aware of the time I spent with my kids. I entered real estate in 2005 so that I could have a business that enabled me to raise my kids and be present as a parent.

I have been the predominant parent, practically raising them myself over the last 12+ years. While there were times it was, of course, hard, it was also what I asked for, and I look back on that time with appreciation, because that time is gone!

One of the things that came out of the last dozen years was this ritual of taking trips when each one turned 21. Evan and I took a trip in 2021, Zach and I did a trip in August 2024, and Sydney and I just returned from her trip. Each one was special and fun, and I will skip the details because they’re boring and it won’t make any difference to you, the reader! The point was for me and my kids - it was what we experienced together.

As you head into summer, you probably have some vacation planned (And if you don’t, there is still time!). Maybe your kids are grown, maybe you don’t have kids - the kids part isn’t the point. The point is to use the summer effectively. Being a professional worth hiring means you have perspective. It’s hard to have perspective when you don’t take quality time away from your business.

For me, every time I travel or simply have some time off, it gives me some room to see things from a new perspective. This whole post about opinions came from my trip with my daughter. Watching people from all over the world ‘vacation’ together - boy, did I have some judgments and opinions! People having conversations on the bus - on speakerphone; people showing up late to the meeting time - repeatedly; people blocking the narrow path so they can take 12 selfies, etc.

But those opinions are worthless! 

As one of my current mentors says, “Less certainty, more inquiry.”

Judgments, opinions, evaluations - useless and worthless. Curiosity and inquiry - rare and valuable. 

What am I going to remember about this trip - the people whom I was annoyed at? Or the time I got to spend with my daughter? By the way, how many people silently complained about me...?