I give up

I have given up helping people. 

I know that my job is not to help everyone. Not everyone wants my help, and I couldn’t possibly help everyone.

On the other hand, I come face-to-face with people who really do need help. And they are unwilling to confront what’s in their way.

I am going to share a few phone calls I had this week. See if any of these could have been you.

Call #1 - Tom #1 

(There are two Tom stories - not two stories about this Tom, there are two different Tom’s with stories!)

I was working with an agent in my starter program. We started working together, and slowly but surely, he made real progress. He consistently talked to people. He started taking Fridays off (to work on his lawn) - in fact, he said, his lawn has never looked better! To top it all off, he raised his fee! He had a closing this week at this new fee - it more than paid for the coaching! Literally, he has already made triple the money that he spent.

He said he would like to continue. I outlined the program. He said, “Let me talk to my wife. I have done things in the past that haven’t worked, so she is sensitive to what harebrained ideas I want to spend money on.”

I asked, “Was this harebrained?” He said absolutely not. We agreed he would get back to me by Tuesday. He did not call. He did not text. He did not email. I emailed and called him. No reply. 

His not replying is a big problem. Not for me - for him.

He now has a lack of integrity. He said he would do something, but he didn’t do it. And...he broke his word around new standards for himself that, while beginning to work, are not set in stone - at least not yet. 

I know what is coming for him this summer. It will feel like he's 'figured it out,' he will stop following the systems that created that success, start working a little on Fridays, and when the business slows, the scarcity will creep back in and the old, lower fee will creep back in. I know this because I've seen it many, many times - including an example from this week! Here’s my call with Ellen.

Call #2 - Ellen

Ellen also worked with me earlier this year. She took consistent action, she was feeling good, and the business started coming in. Our last conversation was in February.

I spoke to her yesterday. I said, “How’s it going?”

She said, “I was just thinking about you. You told me that I was going to get busy, and that I would let that get in the way of following my schedule. Now I am going into summer with no momentum and no business. Worse, I am cranky, I am not being a great mom, nor am I being a great real estate agent.”

Then she said, “You were 100% right.”

So...What do you think is ahead for Tom #1? 

Call #3 - Sally

This past April I did a big event in Texas, and this week someone from that event - Sally - booked a follow-up call on my calendar. This woman has successfully been in business for over 20 years, but now the market and her business were much slower this year, and she was looking for some input, so she said.

During our conversation, no matter what I said, she answered with some version of: “I know”, “I’m not like that”, “That doesn’t apply to me.”

Hmmmm...

I remember when I was about 20, I went to play golf one morning with my 90-year-old grandfather. In the middle of inhaling the all-in-one breakfast (as much food as a college student could fit on 3 plates), I managed to take a breath and ask my grandfather, “How come you never give advice to people?”

He put his cup of decaf down while he finished chewing his bite of blueberry pie (we had very different ideas of what breakfast consisted of). He turned to look at me and said, totally matter-of-fact, “I don’t give advice because people don’t listen.”

Mic drop.

People don’t want to hear what I/we have to say. They simply want us to confirm what they were thinking.

And in this case, Sally was asking me questions, trying to get my take on things, but she had no interest in the answers. She “already knows.” If she already knows, then how can I make any difference?

Saying “I know” is a surefire way to kill anything new or transformational from happening in your life.

Call #4 - John

I met John about 7 or 8 weeks ago. He came up to me after a workshop and said, “I want to do the coaching.” I said, great, fill out this form - and pay. He said, “Oh, I have to go to an appointment. Can we talk later?”

You already know where this is going...but, wait! There’s more!

We finally spoke, and we had a very frank and direct call. It was a really good call! He said, “I will get back to you - I just need two weeks.” OMG...

Two weeks came and went. I texted him and he replied that he had gotten in a big car wreck. Total bummer, but fortunately, he wasn’t hurt. That last text exchange between us was about 3 or 4 weeks ago, so I reached out this week to simply see how he was doing. He actually had some closings!

He’s also a mess. Not from the car accident per se. He listed about 4 or 5 complaints - really, they were more like excuses disguised as complaints. It was a much longer conversation, but finally I shared with him that he is not taking responsibility for his life and life will continue to be a shitshow until he takes a stand for himself.

He says, “I cannot thank you for this conversation. This is making a huge difference.”

Great. “What should happen next?”

“Give me two weeks,” he says.

I cannot make this stuff up.

Call #5 - Tom #2

Okay, last one. I have known Tom #2 for several years. I have a strong affinity for Tom - he’s simply one of those guys that everyone likes - you can’t not like Tom #2. Plus, he’s a great agent!

I called him to see how he was doing. The short answer: he is underperforming. I said, “Make 3 calls per day. Do it for the next two days and text me each day after you did it.”

He did it!

On day 3, I don’t hear from him. We had no agreement that he would text or communicate, but given our history, I wanted to stay in touch. 

On day 4, I called and left him a message. 

I still have not heard back from him.

What are the odds he kept the streak going?

What are the odds he continues to underperform, especially in a souring economy and market?

Like Tom #1, what happens when we withdraw, or don’t communicate when we know we need to? What impact is that having on us underneath the surface? Or in the background, hidden from our view?

Call #6 - Ben

Sorry! I almost forgot about this one! Here is the backstory about Ben.

I called Ben this week to see how he was doing. Like Tom #2, I have a history with him, and hence now have a vested and personal interest in seeing Ben win.

Ben picks up the phone, and I ask, “How’s it going?” The answer: he has done absolutely nothing since we spoke in February. Nothing. None. Zero.

We spoke for a few more minutes, and finally, I said: “You would have a lot more freedom and peace if you simply decided right now you aren’t going to continue in real estate, as opposed to ‘pretending’ you are someday going to do something.”

There was a long pause - so long that I asked him if he was still there. After another pause, he says, “Well, as much as I hate saying this, I am leaving real estate.”

I hope everyone gets this last one...it certainly left me sad and disheartened.

Please, please, please - use this past week's lessons from Tom #1, Ellen, Sally, John, Tom #2, and Ben. 

My real message: If you do not buckle down and get deadly serious about yourself and your business, you are more likely to end up like Ben than you think.

YOU ARE IN THE WAY!

...of YOUR SUCCESS!!!