Crying over spilt milk (or tea)

In my main floor office is the desk where I sit every morning and every night. My wife and kids call this “Office #1” - as opposed to Office #2, which is hidden away in the basement. At any rate, I do my journaling and my writing here at this desk in Office #1. I also keep a desk calendar on this desk. Not only can I see the days coming and going, I record some personal habits every day, like what time I wake up and go to bed, did I work out, did I drink alcohol, did I have sweets, etc. When the new year came, I put away my 2024 calendar and laid out my new, crisp, clean calendar for 2025.

I looked at it for a while. 

I realized that it was the only moment for the whole year where everything is...clean. Fresh. Unused. Unblemished. It’s literally a blank canvas to create a whole new, exciting, and successful year. 

I journaled that morning about the end of 2024 and what I was creating in 2025. I was feeling really good about 2025.

That evening I made some tea and went into Office #1 and placed the tea on my Mr. Coffee cup warmer - which is also on my desk. I was milling about the room, putting some things away - so I was not sitting at my desk. I reached over for my tea - and it slipped out of my hand and spilled all over my desk.

F#$king tea everywhere. My new, crisp, clean, unblemished calendar: soaking wet. Totally ruined.

It almost ruined a bunch of other things. It definitely broke the trackpad to my iMac. 

I was not using my ‘usual’ evening tea cup (Yes, I am super weird and use one specific cup for coffee in the morning, and then I have a very specific cup I use for tea in the evenings - that is just one example of why my wife calls me “Quirky AF”.) In any event, I wanted to blame the cup. I wanted to throw the cup across the room. It was a unique mug I got at the Frank Lloyd Wright Museum in Phoenix. Frank Lloyd Wright is messing with me from his grave! That cup ruined my year! And it just started!

After I got some rags and cleaned everything up - I sort of laughed. A younger version of myself would have let this one incident ruin the rest of my week, maybe the month - and who knows about the year.

The reason I am sharing this story - besides the fact that I am just as human and susceptible to any-and-all-foibles as everyone else is - is that I know I am not alone. Maybe not on January 1st, maybe not even in the first week or two of the year, but something has happened, or will happen, this month or next, that has the potential to de-rail your year - before you have built up any momentum.

Consider this fair warning - if it hasn’t come yet, it’s coming!

Or maybe you are/have already been challenged. Maybe you haven’t finished your plan for the year. Maybe you are unclear on your goals. Maybe you are still frustrated with how last year went. Maybe you are depressed from the holidays. Maybe you aren’t “ready” for the new year. Maybe your finances are stressing you out - especially after the holidays. Maybe it’s all of those things - or none of those things.

It could be that by week 2 or 3 of this year you realize that you are doing the same things you did last year - and you can’t afford to have another year like last year. You know something must change but nothing is changing. 

You have 200 days or so this year. You are not going to win every day. But...can you win more days than you lose?

If you win more days then you lose every week, you win the week. IF you win more weeks than you lose, you win the year. You cannot control your results, you can only control your actions. 

Some of you have heard me talk about this before, and I have shared this passage from Roger Federer in some of my live sessions.

“Perfection is impossible. In the 1526 singles matches I played in my career, I won almost 80% of those matches. Now, I have a question for you.

What percentage of points do you think I won in those matches? Only 54%.

In other words, even top-ranked tennis players win barely more than half of the points they play. When you lose every second point on average, you learn not to dwell on every shot.

You teach yourself to think, okay, I double-faulted ... it's only a point. Okay, I came to the net, then I got passed again; it's only a point. Even a great shot, an overhead backhand smash that ends up on ESPN's top 10 playlist. That, too, is just a point.

And here's why I'm telling you this. When you're playing a point, it has to be the most important thing in the world, and it is. But when it's behind you, It's behind you. This mindset is really crucial because it frees you to fully commit to the next point and the next point after that, with intensity, clarity, and focus.

You want to become a master at overcoming hard moments. That is, to me, the sign of a champion. The best in the world are not the best because they win every point. It's because they lose again and again and have learned how to deal with it. You accept it. Cry it out if you need to and force a smile.”

— Roger Federer

The mission for the year: win as many days as you can. Don’t worry about what happened yesterday, or what might happen tomorrow, do whatever you can to win today. Keep it simple. Use simple measures, like: did I talk to xx people today? Start with the basics. Move up from there.

Before you know it, you’re having a fabulous year!