Being a Professional Worth Hiring: The 13 Virtues of Being a Trusted Advisor

[Abstract: Steven Ross is a 20 year real estate veteran, with a prior career in technology and consulting. While this white paper pulls specifics from the real estate industry, it is written with the intention to help and support any individual or industry that operates based on trusted relationships.]

Pretend for a moment that you bought a house seven years ago. Your real estate agent was pretty good...at least you thought so at the time...? Now you need to move again, and you think, “Geez, when was the last time I spoke to that agent?”

You got a few postcards from them, but you can’t remember when you last spoke to them. Or even the brokerage they represent.

Your spouse reminds you that the agent didn’t even do that good a job. “Remember,” they say, “they pushed us to take that terrible counter offer? We wanted the sellers to take that stupid playset, and our agent pushed us to just sign it. We have been stuck with it the entire time we have lived here!” Oh yeah, you remember now.

You both decide to meet with some new agents.

You do that, you pick a new agent, and lo and behold - you have the same experience. It’s fine. In the end, though, you wonder if they were really on your side. Many conversations were over text, and every time you were on the phone it felt rushed. They always seemed too busy to listen. The more you think about it, the agent seemed more interested in getting the deal closed and getting paid than getting to know us and what was most important.

The above example is hypothetical - like, I don’t have firsthand experience with that situation. On the other hand, about half of the real estate agents who read this will think I am talking about them. This circumstance isn’t that hypothetical!

Here’s a different situation of when a hired professional is not being a trusted advisor. This one is not hypothetical because this happened to me a little while ago.

I was referred to Joan (not her real name) who wanted to buy a home for her son. As we got to talking it turned out that a very competent and tenured agent had sold her house eight years ago, and who helped her purchase the one where she currently resides.

I asked why she is not using her prior agent - let’s just call this agent Brenda - and Joan wasted no time telling me why.

Joan said that while Brenda was very nice, and provided great service - she did a lousy job selling her home. Joan went on to say that Brenda called her regularly, sent flowers after the close, and all those other niceties of “good service”. So I asked what the problem was, and Joan said: “She under-sold my property.”

Ouch.

Now, if you are a real estate agent reading this, you could be thinking that Joan is merely another seller who thinks her property is worth more than what the market thinks its worth. While that may be true, you thinking that doesn’t change the outcome. You telling the seller that they are wrongdoesn’t make things better, neither does pressuring the seller to reduce the price. I mean, yes, the house sells - but you won the battle and lost the war. Now you have someone going out of their way telling people what a lousy job you did.

What Brenda did not do was demonstrate understanding. Joan did not feel understood. Said another way, Joan felt like her opinion and concerns were being ignored. Brenda didn’t feel like her best interests were being put first. She didn’t feel heard. Brenda was being insensitive to how Joan felt about the value of her home - especially given the hundreds of thousands of dollars put into the landscaping. Now that value was not showing up in the price of her home. That was personal and that did not feel good.

If you are not a real estate agent, you might be wondering what does this all have to do with you? Maybe you are a loan officer, insurance agent, financial advisor, software salesperson, or you sell/deliver other professional services - I am asserting that we could look into your past client experiences and come up with similar examples.

If you build relationships, and depend on those relationships to fuel your business - then this is for you. This is not about real estate, this is about how to be someone worth hiring.

Going back to real estate agents for a moment - there were approximately 1.5 million of them in 2024 - what distinguishes one agent from another?

If you ask the agents, some might try and tell you their value proposition. Others will tell you about their marketing. Or they will tell you about their brokerage’s marketing or technology. They will tell you that they respond faster, or that they have a team - or that they don’t have a team and they do everything. Maybe they will tell you about their staging - or their virtual staging. They do amazing photography, they do special video, they have the best drone video. Their reach on social media is second to none. Blah blah blah.

Ask Joan about Brenda. Joan will tell you that Brenda had most of what I just described, yet Joan will tell you that Brenda was lousy.

Maybe you think I am exaggerating? I am not, but even if I was, consider that real estate agents don’t have any competitive edge in what they do. Most good, competent, professional agents do the same things. It’s how they do them that stands apart. Said another way, it’s not about what the agent does, it’s who they are. It’s their being. What kind of human being are they? Same for you.

If you search the internet to see what the public thinks of real estate agents, you will see that people have no problems saying what they don’t like about real estate agents. Mostly the public thinks that agents are:

Liars
Never on-time
Make too much money / over-paid
Don’t “do” anything
Unprofessional - attire, vocabulary, actions
Unreliable
Pushy and/or “Salesey”

Too harsh? For those of you in other industries, what would the ‘public’ - ie your pool of customers, not your clients - say about your group of professionals?

It’s easy to pick on real estate agents - there’s so many of us, and there are many lousy ones. When I say lousy, I mean they simply have not been trained properly. Some probably do have questionable motives and ethics, but many “lousy” real estate professionals simply have never been trained professionally.

At any rate - this is not even the point I am after! The point I’m making: one could say that the quality of the service one provides is based on competence and character. There are plenty of competent orthopedic surgeons. Some are more competent than others. Some have a character, an essence, a way of being about them - that I would prefer not to work with. Being competent is assumed. It’s not always there, but when we are hiring a professional, we would like to assume that the competence is there - at least to some baseline level. Consider that what distinguishes one professional from another is their character. It’s the answer to the question, “How do I feel when I am with - or working with - this person?”

I call it ‘being a professional worth hiring.’ That description begs the question of, “What quantifies someone as being a professional worth hiring?”

In the book The Trusted Advisor, the authors (who professionally were an attorney, consultant, and accountant) interviewed their clients and asked them, “What qualities do we possess that has you consider us your trusted adviser?” In their book they published a list of the 22 summarized responses. It’s a good list!

One day I went back and re-read that list. I really thought about it. Based on all my personal development training and my experience as a corporate consultant, real estate professional, and now back in consulting and coaching - I thought there was something there to expand upon. What I came up with: The 13 Virtues of Being a Trusted Advisor. My assertion is that these virtues apply to any situation where one is being hired as a professional to serve another. This is what people are paying for when they hire a professional. Heck, these might apply in any relationship.

A couple of notes when you read this list. First, the invitation is to consider them as ways of being and operating. Secondly, the list is written from the other person’s point of view - what our clients would say about us.

Empathic Listener - They get who we are. They listen not only with their ears but they listen with their soul. 
Authentic - A real human being, not someone acting out a part or role. Likable. Easy to be around.
Neutral/Objective - Never substitute their thinking/opinion for ours.  
Patient – Allow us to come to decisions (or conclusions) at our own pace while also helping us see things from different points of view. Never rushed or pressured. 
Grounded - Stay calm even when things go sideways 
Honest/Transparent - They talk straight - we can count on them telling us the truth, even if it means owning up to a mistake they may have made – or admitting some area where they were wrong.
Collaborative - Speak with us, not at us. They speak with compassion and caring. 
Committed - They care about me and our relationship more than any particular transaction/outcome. I can count on them to provide great counsel - period.  
Perspective - They know how and when to zoom in or zoom out; putting things in the right context, and can explain complex concepts through a variety of methods (metaphors, stories, anecdotes).
Courageous – They say the things that need to be said. Not afraid to have difficult or confronting conversations. Willing and able to go beyond the surface to uncover areas where we may have been blind or unaware. 
Integrity - Their speaking has power. They have deep respect for the words that come out of their mouth. No blaming, complaining, excuse making, gossiping, or bragging.  
Levity - They know when and how to use humor to diffuse difficult or tense situations. 
Good Stewardship - I feel protected and taken care of. I know I am in good hands.

Pause for a moment.

When I read/act these out in a live session, I pause after reading. The room is absolutely silent. People get the impact of what it would be like if they operated this way. Plus what it would be like if the other people in their life showed up like this.

But I don’t know how you read this list. Maybe you skimmed it. Maybe you skipped it entirely. Maybe you checked out mentally by number 3, but the other part of your brain kept reading.

A good trusted advisor knows when they aren’t present. If you were not present whey you read that list, I invite you to go back again - right now! - and re-read the list.

Okay, so if you really ‘got’ that list - thank you! Likely much of what’s there is not new to you. A few of you might be thinking, “Oh, I already do these things.”

Really? I wrote this list, I think I am pretty good at them, and I know for sure I have so much more room to go that I am certain that I will never ‘arrive’ at fulfilling on these virtues 100% of the time. I know this because I am human, and like all human beings, we are not perfect. We have biases. We have incomplete pasts. We have stuff where we (still get) triggered. Plus, for me, I have a wife who is very good at reminding me when I am not being this way!

One of my good friends who is a 20-year veteran in mortgage decided that she is going to put this list on a piece of paper and sign her name to it - then hand it to every client she works with. Her instruction to them is, “This is what you are hiring me for. If at any time I am not being any of these things, please let me know.” That’s bold. That’s courageous. That distinguishes her from other loan officers.

What if your spouse was this way to you? Or you to them? What about as a parent, what if your children could count on you to be this way for them? What if you could be this way for your parents?

“If you never assume importance, you never lose it.” - Tao Te Ching

Humility and curiosity: one place to begin is in “not knowing”. If you already know, where else is there to go in a conversation? “Oh, I have heard this before.” “I know how this is going to go.” The assertion here is that no matter how many times you have gotten on the phone with a client in a situation that you have been in hundreds of times, can you really pretend you are starting from nothing?

I don’t mean pretending you don’t know anything, rather, can you be operating from a place where you have no idea what is going on with that client? Obviously you know some things. There are patterns. You have experience helping people. Nevertheless, can you get on the phone, or sit down at the meeting, and come with “not knowing”? Enter that conversation with deep curiosity, really find out what is going on with that person(s), what they are dealing with, what’s on their mind, what’s happening personally maybe in their life that is influencing how they show up right here in this moment?

I could dig up some statistics to ‘prove’ to you that people don’t feel heard. That people are longing for someone to ‘understand’ them. Instead, look for yourself. Look at your own situation. How many people really listen to you? When you call someone, or in the rare moment where someone calls you, do you feel heard? Are they really listening? Or are they simply waiting to respond? Are they waiting to tell you how great their vacation or family or business is doing?

Are you doing that to others?

What I am suggesting here is that when you are being a trusted adviser, you are creating a different experience in the world - for others, and for yourself.

When you are:

Being an empathic listener
Being authentic
Being objective
Being patient
Being grounded
Being honest and transparent
Being collaborative
Being someone who makes and honors commitments
Being someone who operates with perspective
Being courageous
Being someone who operates with integrity
Being someone that brings levity to life
Being a good steward

When you are being these things - you are being a trusted human being in another’s life. It’s more than just being an ‘advisor’ - you’re being a friend. You’re being someone that can be counted on. Consider that being these ways will raise you up to a standard of being that could surprise and delight you.

Note: This is a working document. I first wrote the 13 Virtues in one sitting on April 30th, 2024. I spent much of 2024 refining that list of 13 items. For 2025, I plan on developing and expanding this body of work. If could be no more than a post on my website, or maybe it will be a new book. Check back periodically for updates, or if you would like to be notified when a new update has been made, please send me an email: [email protected].

Being a Professional Worth Hiring: The 13 Virtues of Being a Trusted Advisor

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